Alphabet Mafia
For Pride month, Fangs (the divine mascot of The Rabyd Atheist YouTube channel) has decided he wants in on the joke from my birthday stream last year, and hopes he can sneak into the country using a clever disguise.
However, the Mafia is notorious for being super gatekeepery, so his chances of getting through are pretty slim.
Fangs is an eternal supporter of whale citizenship and wants all whales and their progeny to become citizens if they so desire. Dolphins are also welcome. But seals can fuck all the way off.
[Sorry, Azho. Seals are food, not citizens.]
Fangs is a little confused why we need a whole month to celebrate those of us who like to boink other consenting adults who sport similar boinking equipment, and those of us whose boinking bits don't typically match their outfit. That is information he has no interest in knowing, and thinks it's the least interesting fact about literally anyone—regardless of species. Those who make their boinking preferences (or any immutable trait) their entire personality really need to find a hobby. Perhaps knitting? Ultimate Frisbee? Collecting Funko Pops? Starting a benevolent cult with your friends on YouTube? The possibilities are endless. Pick something.
He'll still defend your right to live as your authentic self until Earth gets swallowed up by our dying sun in another few hundred million years (he is an immortal godlet, after all). Just spare him the spicy details. I once told him about a lady friend I used to fuck around with in my younger years, and you would have thought it was Easter. Fuzzy little fucker died of cringe, hid for three days, and returned as a resurrected rabbit.
I'll let myself out…
🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️🏴☠️🐇🐳🐬✌🏻
🚫❌️🦭💀
Sadly, Fangs couldn't become a citizen. But he made friends with the other misfits who were denied citizenship. He's a congenial little unholy deity. I turned their hang-out into a background video clip for my phone. Because, why not?
Fangs with his bowl of sea cucumbers. There's a diverse assortment of feelings in that small bowl, and all go down well with a dash of sea salt (or salty tears, depending on your mood).
Fangs had to consult an aquatic committee to formulate a plan to bring the issue of whale citizenship before Congress.
Unfortunately, he didn't consider the language barrier. None of them know how to speak the MAGA dipshittese.
Mostly, you just mention pronouns or trans people and watch their heads explode as they yell the n-slur, f-slur, ablest slurs, and simp for Jesus by telling us we're all going to hell until you can feel your brain cells committing seppuku and finally give up. Then they declare victory and celebrate by deepthroating Trump’s little mushroom and thanking their dear lord and savior for the privilege.
I swear, for a bunch of aggressively hetero “alpha males” who think their dick is gonna fall off if they touch something pink or rainbow patterned, they sure do like to get on their knees for dudes a whole bunch.
Anywhosies…
And Fangs with his teeny tiny pink whale friend.
…Who eventually became a citizen after the government found his lost itty bitty paperwork.
I love a happy ending! 🥰🤪
Until we meet again! Happy Pride Month!
E nomnomine patri spiritus bunni.
🎩🐇🐋🐬🪪🇺🇸
